It’s just good to know true joy and exist in my body more often. It was really heavy for so long. I made small talk at a lab appointment prior to and at a haircut following group today.
The hair stylist ended up being a specialist in sensory issues so it was very nice to have that kind of chill, mindful haircut. I nearly fell asleep!
Oh! And I’m doing all this while dog tired from insomnia but I’m in a pretty good mood and getting more sleep every night 😸
Checked into a partial hospitalization program last week because my social anxiety and agoraphobia got too big to manage alone.
The past few days have been perhaps the first I’ve felt joy and love in their full forms 😸
As much as I resent it being the way of things, money is power under capitalism. Where possible, I try not to cede mine to people looking to do nefarious things or disseminate shitty ideals. While I don’t have much personally and Kant was a pretentious douche canoe, I’m still idealistically partial to the universal maxim.
Yeah, no ethical consumption under capitalism or whatever but we can try not to prop up people who are brazenly making the world shittier. Thinking our actions don’t matter is how we get complacency.
My sibling and I were over the moon that our abuser didn’t show up to our family’s holiday celebration this year. It was so nice to enjoy the company of actual family without their toxic sludge!
Dude, it must be your social circles. I’m related to, work with spouses of, or am friends with no less than 5 stay-at-home guys. Also, most men with families at my company take on significant child care responsibilities due to being able to work from home. It comes down to making things work so food’s on the table and good humans are raised (or a stable household is kept). Gender is impertinent.
When I got married I was just happy my wife had a non-negative net worth. This sentence and its paragraph really read like a spouse is an acquisition or earnings 😬
Had to have surgical intervention a few weeks ago and am getting mild pangs of renal colic pain on the other side. I’m drinking tons of water and crossing my fingers hard that these stones don’t require intervention 🤞
Other than that life feels like a mess right now and I’m trying to be more intentional about addressing things this week.
Anyone have good advice for making friends in one’s thirties? Online or IRL?
Started the week with kidney stones so it’s probably only getting better from there. Looking forward to ditching the ureteral stent.
Online gathering spaces not hostile to trans and gnc folks seem to be evaporating. It’s concerning with KOSA in the works in the US.
It’s been worth it for my spouse and me. Happy to pay for a product rather than being the product.
FWIW, you don’t need the CS degree to pivot to software. Start learning, build a project portfolio, and attend local tech meetups. Unless you really want the academic experiences, you’re footing unnecessary literal and opportunity costs. Around 30% my colleagues have unrelated degrees.
Working and learning at the same time is quite a bear to tackle, so you’ve certainly got the gumption.
Things vary from company to company, but tech is pretty chill about trans* stuff. I’m out and one of several at my current company. No pronoun issues.
The partnership shared with my spouse is the best thing about my life.
We never run out of engaging conversations or fun, we carry each other through the hard times, equally share household responsibility, and we trust each other enough to be fully transparent with our humanity. We share a daily priority of mutual care. I think this is what Le Guin meant by “the bond” in The Dispossessed.
Like something out of a fairytale, my spouse has been an unwavering bastion of support since we started dating in high school. They held my hand through my dad’s terminal illness and death in the first three months and helped me survive a year of abuse after that. When I transitioned a year after marrying, they came out as bi. They’ve never complained about weathering through all of the cPTSD baggage. Heck, their love and support rehabilitated me. They see my neurodivergence as a feature rather than a bug.
I’m so fortunate and grateful to live this life with them. Every day is a gift.
Perhaps this is a dumb question, but what are the critical missing pieces with respect to in-person communication and care? There might be some creative ways to supplement digitally?
It seems clear that the ideal is connecting with someone in-person who you really vibe with. Is the in-person aspect the most important for the friendship that you’re seeking?
It feels like I’m the rope in tug-of-war between my current career and my ambitions to become a physician.
There’s the long term decision and the current reality of trying to passably perform in both work and my organic chemistry class.
Is increasing trans representation in healthcare really a worthwhile personal pursuit with climate calamity on the horizon? Would it be better to channel my energy into mutual aid, community organizing, and foster care?
I wish I had an academic mentor (or any mentor) to talk to about it. Yeah, I’m a real adult now and therapy is a thing but 🤷♂️
Clickbait has this singular capacity to make one feel treated as a simple primate. Such a relieving comparison.
Update - it’s working and my mood/focus are much improved!
Things are hard right now. Father’s Day is always rough. Taking summer term organic chemistry while working full-time is more than I can manage well. It doesn’t help that I sped through gen chem 2 in 6 weeks just prior to this.
I’m super burnt out and I don’t have a lot to show for the past sprint at work plus my first midterm is on Friday. This weekend was supposed to be productive but my brain has been on strike.
I did get some exercise in today and it did help a little but I’m nowhere near the capacity required.
I’m very grateful for my life and opportunities afforded to me and I really shouldn’t be complaining about relative non-issues but 🤷♂️
This resonates in my bones
sigh It’s 100% because I fell off the bandwagon of basic well-being tasks again. Thanks for giving me the energy to start again!
💯 I’ve never understood how it’s a bad thing to be kind to people.
Not particularly, since the newness has brought all this warmth, optimism, and friendliness. Kind of like welcome weeks at universities - not necessarily the content one is here for, but it’s a nice in-between to make friends.
Couldn’t be better. Returned to work with no issues after completing a partial hospitalization program.
Figured out I need to connect with the trans community again IRL to cope with the gestures at the news and the United States political discourse.
Fortunately, that’s not so hard to do in the Twin Cities.
Might write like a gonzo article about the Kafkaesque experience of trying to pretend everything is fine while the youth are dying and there’s real question about continued access to lifesaving medical care.
That all probably sounds a bit dark but I am coping and maintaining optimism. I’m not ashamed of not being cis anymore and that’s a big deal for me.