fracture [he/him]

oh my fucking god i’m so pissed on your behalf, that’s such bullshit!!!

(also a rant, on a related but separate topic) holy FUCK along the same lines, i really hate it when people lurk in the parking lot waiting for someone to leave so they can park there! like wow, yeah, impede the flow of traffic and pressure the person leaving to hurry so YOU can have that space

i hate it so much, it makes navigating an already-packed grocery store even worse. the ppl at costco are SO bad about this 💀💀💀 just go park further away, you already have a minute long walk to the store, another minute won’t kill you!!!

this is my personal bar for whether someone is a good person or not :)

(exception for anyone who legitimately needs the closer parking spots but cannot get the disability parking spots for whatever reason. but they are a TINY minority of people)

in addition to what’s been said, keeping yourself hydrated helps with circulating heat and you can always have a hot beverage to help yourself get hydrated and warm up! (try broth / lightly salted warm water; caffeinated or sugary beverages tend to have the opposite effect, although it might work for you!)

not until they’ve unionized ✊

fwiw you’ve conveyed the same general question i have about the situation, albeit far more eloquently than i would have been able to

i am totally down to stop using words that disabled people find offensive, but i need alternatives to express that someone is being needlessly / purposely ignorant or otherwise harmful and is generally worthy of scorn and contempt

which isn’t to say that providing that is the onus on disabled people (it’s really not, their only real obligation is to express their experiences)… but it does make it a lot easier to action on the request

it’s also kind of interesting to approach this conversation both as an outsider, but also as someone who these words do apply to in some capacity

oh you’re right yeah, lmao, my b. i’ll edit, ty

ah, i see. i’m sorry that school is so rough for you

how long do you have left? what are your goals after school? before you can plan what actions you want to take, you should figure out a tentative plan for the future so you know what you’re working towards. i would recommend enlisting the aid of a trusted adult for this

i’m unfamiliar with the french system of education; is it possible to drop out and take a certification that is equivalent of graduating? (generally, in the US, this would be frowned upon, but would be worth it if the situation is as bad as you’re describing, i think)

all that said, you likely can coast and do minimal work and at least graduate. if you’re being harassed by someone, you should report them / tell them to stop / basically go out of your way to avoid them, or cause problems that are clearly their fault (although that can be difficult). it may also be worth talking to said trusted adult about this issue

teachers being vapid is pretty much out of your control, but just because they’re vapid doesn’t mean the material is. if you take an interest in learning things for the sake of learning, and digging beyond what they give you in school, you can at least attain valuable knowledge about the various subjects of your classes

this is part of what i learned in school myself; even though you’re forced to be in school, you’re the only one responsible for if you learn something or not. so learn the ways you are able to and get what you can out of the environment. maybe french high school is super difficult, but you seem like you have a good head on your shoulders. you should be able to learn stuff well enough to pass

still practice the breathing, exercising, etc that i mentioned, though. this:

And right now, I’m so fed up this existence of student, trapped in the petulent academic system that I can even focus anymore. I can’t think, I can’t write, I can’t remember.

sounds like you losing your executive functioning to stress. your anger at the situation is valid, but you need your brain to be online to cope with it and get out. take a step back, breathe in, hold. release as slowly as you can. repeat

try to notice when you’re spiraling with emotion, try to remember to breathe when you are. it’s hard at first but over time you’ll notice it quicker and be able to respond in the moment

you’ll make it out one day. just focus on getting there

suicidal ideation is a common coping mechanism for feeling trapped. i think saying it like this helps because it draws a clear line of causality; you feel trapped -> you feel suicidal. i don’t think this accounts for 100% of cases, but from both research and experience, it seems fairly common

this also seems to apply to how you’re feeling. it seems like you feel trapped in regard to two situations; one, your job, and two, your anhedonia (fancy word for “can’t feel happy”)

suicidal ideation is, in my opinion, a sign you need to seriously reconsider your consent about your current life. here’s a personal example to illustrate this: when i was a couple of years into college, i was passively suicidal from working myself so hard all the time and not doing anything to enjoy myself. i had to take a step back, and seriously reconsider two things: one, that i had never given myself the choice of doing anything other than college (my parents simply insisted i did, and i had no better plans); and two, that nothing in college was worth burning myself out for, and that i needed to set aside time to enjoy myself, the mounting pile of homework be damned. this addresses consent in two ways: the first, that i hadn’t consented to this path in life (and was now, retroactively, giving myself the opportunity to either drop out or continue), and the second, that i wouldn’t consent to a life where i was only working and never enjoying myself

so i feel like, following this train of logic, it works out to a problem you can solve with your job (how can you get to a place where you have the time to engage with things you enjoy? do you need to scale back your hours? do you get paid enough to use money to offset the hours you’d have to put into cooking / cleaning / etc? can you put extra time in upfront so you can have more time off later? etc)

anhedonia is a little tougher, because it’s hard to know if it’s caused by the situation. i would try to improve your situation with your job and see if it improves. if it doesn’t, you should look into seeing a psychiatrist (and also maybe a therapist). anhedonia is a common symptom as a result of being in a prolonged fight/flight state, which i imagine has gone along with your job stress. however, you may have trouble coming out of it on your own, even with the job stress sorted. regardless, please keep in mind that it is not a permanent problem. your joy will return to you in time

other things you can do in the meantime are to practice deep breathing exercises, try to exercise in general (yoga is especially good for this kind of thing), take some walks outside in nature, try to be present in the moment and in your body

but i think it really just shakes out to making life worth living for yourself, which i definitely believe that you can achieve. it may take time, it may be difficult, but knowing that’s where that time and effort will lead makes that struggle worth enduring

ever since kagi expressed that they’re not interested in caring about the effect of LLMs on the environment (https://kagifeedback.org/d/2425-would-love-to-see-a-blog-post-about-how-kagi-views-the-environmental-impact-of-ai-and-the-ethics-of-how-llms-are-trained/2), i had already hopped off because i could see their talk about “making the world a more humane place” was just talk. so i’m not really surprised to see this shit unfolding either

i’m surprised to see that the dude who replied on my post is actually the kagi guy, though. that’s surprising, i took him for some q&a support mod lmao

but yea i’m trans so i do my best not to support transphobic (or otherwise bigoted) people. seems like it’s in my best interest y’know. and sometimes i don’t know! i was pretty excited for kagi at first blush, it’s really a shame they’re not worth the time or effort

ohh thank you, i appreciate it!

i actually dropped crochet because of the wrist issues (well, i got bored too, but still). do you happen to have a graphic of the different hand position you do for it? i dunno if i’ll pick it back up, but i’m curious nonetheless

i’m also interested in this. particularly within gaming, lame has a specific connotation of referring to “anti-fun” strategies in a derogatory way that’s hard to replace (things like camping, cheap strats, spamming, etc). but, for similar reasons as to what you’ve outlined, i’d like to substitute it

but otoh i wonder if we’re kind of settling on what language is acceptable for derogatory use and what isn’t. the r word is not okay, but dumb/stupid is, even though they’re technically the same origin. perhaps lame falls into the same category? i haven’t seen anyone overly upset over it’s use, anyways

i’m surprised you even got anything out of taking so many at a time, by nature they’re a chemical that needs to build up and has a gradual effect on your body. that temporary feeling of relief could have even been placebo. regardless, i say this so you understand that fundamentally goes against how they’re supposed to work. ideally, you would have just had your dose raised, because the one you had was clearly not strong enough for you. but that ship seems to have sailed, not much we can do now

anyways… you have a soft heart, and that’s not a bad thing. but you need to be responsible with it. think of your heart like a creature that needs good nourishment; reading stories of sadness and despair are bad nourishment. you need good nourishment, stories that bring you hope and joy, to flourish. so get off of social media, regulate your intake. read happy stories on webtoons or fantasy books or something. even the most mentally resilient people aren’t equipped for the flood of bad news that comes in from every corner of the world, so don’t feel ashamed of it. it’s taking care of yourself. you’re not doing anyone any good by reading about sad things you can’t change, you’re just making it so the sad things are making the world even more sad

the other thing to understand is, that lack of control over your meds, that’s actually a lack of ability to tolerate your own emotions. you read something, you feel sad, and you can’t tolerate that feeling, so you overdose on your meds to try and cope. again, not something to be ashamed of, but it’s important to recognize. it’s also important to recognize that tolerating your feelings is a skill, and it’s a skill you can build. it takes dedicated time and effort, but it can be done with the things i mentioned in my original post - breathing exercises and meditation

it sounds like you’ve lived a hard life, as well, and if you can find a therapist, i think that would be good for you, to help talk these things out and recognize that the feelings they evoke are not permanent and that you will survive the pain they bring. i’d recommend you find a trauma informed therapist, if you can.

so, for a list for you:

1. stop reading about all the bad shit that happens in the world, replace it with postiive / happy things
2. walk a little bit each day
3. research and practice mindfulness meditation
4. practice breathing exercises
5. find a therapist, schedule an appointment, and go see them consistently

take these up for the next six months. if you’re a little more stable, you can reach out to your doctor and explain the steps you’ve taken to improve your life and see if they’re willing to take you back. or you can just find a different doctor, but i think it would be good to practice these things at least a little bit first, so you don’t need to worry about abusing your pills again

sorry if i’m a little terse here, i did my best, but i’m super tired and sore from doing yoga, something i’m doing for myself to help with similar problems. if you have any questions, please ask them and i’ll reply to you again tomorrow after i’ve rested

i’m gonna reply to your other post later today but i’d like you to read this really good post i found elsewhere on beehaw about long covid

https://beehaw.org/comment/995252

just didn’t want to lose the link

kinda sounds like you have long covid. i’d highly recommend working on improving your cardiovascular health in the short term. if you can run, run. if not, walk. just as much activity as you can do consistently

it’s hard to underscore how important being able to breathe is. i know you’re depressed and worried about things, and you don’t feel like anything has a point… but it’s a lot easier to feel those things when your cells can’t get the energy they need to function

i’m a little too sleepy to write much about the nihilism you’re feeling, but… i spend my life trying to help people and improve the lives of those around me as much as i can. it doesn’t really matter to me if i’m remembered

but being able to help others starts with being able to help yourself. you can only give once you, yourself, are provided for. and you deserve that, so do your best to achieve it, even though the world makes that very hard

try to do some breathing techniques and meditation too. i like 4-7-8 breathing (inhale for 4 counts, hold for 7, exhale for 8) but you can try 4-4-4 (same thing but all are 4 counts) or just focusing on breathing where you’re exhaling longer than you’re inhaling

why did you stop your depression medication? if it wasn’t working for you, you should bring it up to your doctor and try a different one. there are a lot of them and one will probably help you

for the meditation, read about mindfulness. it’s about just trying to be present in the moment, instead of losing your train of thought and focusing on that

try to focus on these basic things for the next six months or so. covid can be devastating to the human body and recovery takes a long time. be easy on yourself and do your best to heal. you’re young so you’ll hopefully be able to bounce back with some patience and effort

i hope this helps, i think you sound like a bright young person with a good future ahead of you, if you can become healthy again. i believe you can, i hope you can too

sleep with wrist guards on. the kind with the metal plates in em, that keep your wrist tilted back a bit. both hands. uncomfortable at first but easily the best long term investment for your wrists you can make (this applies for your thumb too, it’s all connected)

the fact your thumb is going numb is pretty worrisome. if you can, baby it in the shower hot water and massage it. or alternate running hot and cold water on it (4 min hot, 1 min cold). stretch it, your wrists, arms and shoulders (it’s all connected). look up nerve glides and do those as well

i went to wrist pt for a while, this is all stuff i learned from it. hope it helps, seems like you’re covered on feet/leg stuff

yeah, it’s a lot nicer here